Your Kingdom Come!

The Best LoveA. L.

September 15, 2009

Every girl dreams about marriage. However, these aren’t ordinary dreams. They are dreams that will come true. The dress, the ceremony and the reception will one day be reality. But don’t think that the guy you dream of will one day be real. He is real now. He already exists. Maybe he lives down the street. Maybe he lives on the other side of the world. It doesn’t matter. He is alive and some day you will meet him.

(Once there was a couple. They met in college and were married shortly after. Once they were looking at old photo albums. The husband pulled out a picture of his trip to Rome when he was twelve. The picture was of him sitting on the Spanish Steps with many people in the background. All of them were strangers. His wife suddenly pulled the picture out of his hands and pointed at a skinny little girl in the background. “I know that girl!” she exclaimed. “That’s me! I went to Rome when I was ten and have a picture here too!” She pulled out her album and found the exact same picture taken from another angle. Her twelve-year old husband was in it.)

This story proves that your husband is already out there. Maybe you have already bumped into him at the park. Or maybe you won’t meet him until you’re 24. Imagine if you knew him already. How would you behave in front of him? Would you continue to date someone else on the pretext that you aren’t married yet? I don’t think so. Would you do things with the boyfriend you have now that you wouldn’t want your husband to know about? I don’t think so.

Obviously, you can’t stop dating. You still haven’t met Mr. Right, so you are on the lookout and that implies dating. But in the meantime, even when you’re looking, you have to be aware that he exists and is waiting for you. If you married him today, you would want to give him your purity. If you marry him in 12 years, you still want to give him that same purity. That is what he wants, the pure gift of love.

Some day you will be married and have the freedom to give him the love that marriage implies. People get married because they love one another. One expression of this mutual affection is made in the marriage act. To know what love and marriage is all about, the Church, the guardian of the sacrament of marriage, has four characteristics to offer.

First off,it is fully human. This means that a human being who is made of body and soul performs the marriage act of love. Human beings are not just bodies that die. There is an element inside that lives forever. That is a soul. However, neither are human beings only souls. We also have bodies. In the marriage act, both elements come into play. A man and woman give one another their body and their soul. The body and soul are inseparable. You know how they give their bodies. They give their souls through their spiritual love. This is shown through words of love and feelings of affection. The marriage act is a fully human act: body and soul.

Secondly,it is an act of free will. No one can ever coerce another into giving love. This is considered rape, not love. Love only has meaning when it is freely given. Imagine being forced to love a dead rat. You simply cannot. Maybe you can be forced to hug it as a sign of love. But in reality, there is no love. Just the same with the marriage act. It cannot be forced on another. Since the marriage act involves both body and soul, even if your body is forced to act, if your soul doesn’t want it, then it cannot be considered a free act.

Married love is also total. Total love is sharing all I have with him and his sharing all he has with me. It is mutual giving. Not only are all your material possessions shared, but as well, your spiritual possessions (i.e. your love).

Lastly, married love is faithful and exclusive. You give yourself to one person. It is the person you’ve committed to love to the end. God made marriage this way because the sacrament is actually a mirror of God’s love for the Church. Christ has only one Church. He loves only that one Church and has been doing so for the past 2,000 years. Married love is also to one person. Married love is meant to last until the partner’s death. Married love is faithful and exclusive.

We can look at the sacrament of marriage as a flower with four petals. Each of the petals represents one of the characteristics of marriage. A perfect flower is beautiful, but imagine if one of the petals is missing. If you were picking flowers in a field, you would probably skip over that one. It wouldn’t be pretty enough to put in a vase on the table. That is what happens when one performs the marriage act before marriage. It cannot be considered a married act in the strict sense because it is outside the sacrament. Sex before marriage disfigures the gift you want to give to your husband. It doesn’t match up with the characteristics of true love. It’s not fully human because it is using only the body. The love between a husband and wife is missing because they are not yet husband and wife. It is like wearing the uniform of a baseball team without even being a team member. The uniform doesn’t make you a member. Even if you love him and are going to marry him, you aren’t married yet. Perhaps sex before marriage is an act of the free will, but that will is influenced and coerced by feelings, passions and peer pressure. So it isn’t fully free. It’s not total because you’re not married and therefore you don’t share everything. It is hard to remain faithful and exclusive in sexual relations before marriage because there’s still the possibility of another partner. This possibility arises because there’s no sacramental bond.

So if you are already in love with your husband, even if you haven’t met him yet, then give the best to him. He is out there. Don’t live as if he didn’t exist. Don’t leave the leftovers for him. Give him the whole flower with all its perfume and beauty still intact.